Thursday, May 16, 2013

The beautiful scar

When you have been through so much pain, nothing can hurt you anymore. You don't feel the iron clashing against your chest, in fact you don't even care. It can't hurt you. In the world nothing is constant and sometimes the change is so big and unexpected that the pain breaks you in half. You don't know what to do, scared and broken you ask the Gods for mercy, for a piece of justice, but your prayers find no receiver and there you are alone, in a dark and smelly room, with tears running down your face. There are no strength to stand up, there are no joy that can possibly save you from where you are know.

While you are there nobody will care about you and in truth, you don't know what to think about yourself... You just wanted for things to go back, to back in time and find a place where you were happy, the sun was high in the sky, everything was so bright, joyous and full of smiles. And that thought gets fixed in your head, it keeps you locked in the past. You are priosioner number 4. That is your punishment, to remember your past and to know that you won't have it back.

Here you are, in this dark and putrid hole, with the smell of shit. You feel the weight of the shackles on your wrists. You ask for forgiveness, you ask for mercy, for whatever you have done... Uncalled. Then the pain goes so bigger that you ask to the Gods for a quick death, please just let me go back to my childhood for a day and then let me go... And still, you wake up the next morning exactly where you were. It comes times when you get angry and the spirit of the lord of destruction takes over you, know you are on your knees, with your heart bleeding and you ask for justice, for final and eternal justice, you don't care about anything else. Nothing else matters in that moment. And still, your sacro-saintic experience keeps you alive. With time your mind ease....

With time you hear your demons and you recognize their voices, to whom should you listen to? Time will only tell whose voice is yours trully. And time goes and you still can't find a reason to smile, why should you in this dark hole, where the sun never shines and only hysterical screams of pain surround you?

But it happens... I can not tell you when, my friend, but it happens... When day you will wake up and you will feel it in your heart that you are in peace with your demons. Your scars, still open have stopped bleeding and you realize that the schakles that kept you imprisioned never existed, you created them.

Now, there is only one way.... up! Now after you have cried, pissed and suffered more than everyone around you, now you can rise from your shadow. The path is yours and fear nothing!

Now you have the shield of steel and the spear of bones, your shinning armor has been earned. There, for a single moment, so quick that you can't really feel it in your soul... You know that faith put you there for a reason. Only a man that called for his death, that felt such a sharp blade spear his heart and left there to be twisted when Devil himself wanted, only a man that cries for it to be over with all his spirit can raise above everyone else.

Now you can't hurt me anymore, now there is no fast-lane for your existence, now comes the great rise... I tell you my friend, that it is a dangerous thing to put a man crying on his knees, if you do it kill it there... otherwise it will backlash it such a strength that you will regret your sins.

So my friend, if you are feeling in your darkest hours, don't despair, accept it knowing that one day, one day you will rise and the greater your fall was, the greater your rise will be. Remember, that it is always darkest just before the dawn and when the sun shines, it shines for everybody. Don't keep anger in your heart, fuel it to whatever you want to be in this life and listen to no one, your demons are your greatest allies and now you will know to listen to them.

Welcome the change and be fool enough to embrace the fall, because only you have lost everything is that you are free to be whatever you want to be. And lastly, be wise and learn with the time passed in the dark pit: now your pain is your strength.